A Tall Tale
by Imalefty
Summary: Okay, this is about Kenshin and his shortness. He envies Saito for Saito's tallness and goes to some creepy old lady for help! R&R please! IT'S DONE! DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE DONE! I'd like to know what you think of it!
1. Kenshin's Desire for Tall uh ness

A "Tall" Tale  
  
Once upon a time there was a dude named Kenshin. He was really really short. He didn't like being short. That was the reason that he and Hajime Saito were enemies. Saito was tall and Kenshin hated that. Kenshin used the excuse about how Saito was a member of the Shinsengumi and they were on different sides during the Bakumatsu and all that poop, but the real reason was that Kenshin was short and Saito was tall. One day, Kenshin was walking down a road in Tokyo and thinking about his problem.  
  
"What do I do? How can I get bigger? If only I was taller......... I'd be the cutest guy in the history of forever!" Kenshin said to himself. He began to talk about his dreams aloud.  
  
-Kenshin's daydream-  
  
Kenshin walks through a busy street and a mob of girls are staring, heart eyed at him. He can see over everyone's heads and he isn't wearing tall shoes or standing on his friend, Sano's, shoulders.  
  
"I'm so tall........." Kenshin thinks to himself. He gives a cool-like smile and saunters ahead, feeling cool. He signs autographs in such a cool way that it makes girls swoon. A puddle of drool is forming around many girls' feet. Waterfalls of drool are spewing out of all the pretty girls' mouths- and the not-so-pretty ones' too. They all chant in a tone that sounds like worship:  
  
"Kenshin Himura is so cool.........!"  
  
"I'm so cool........." Kenshin thinks coolly. Then a girl walks up to him and says:  
  
"You really care about that, Battousai?" It is a cold voice and-  
  
-End daydream-  
  
"BATTOUSAI!"  
  
"Huh?" Kenshin's eyes snapped open and he broke out of his wonderful daydream. He was staring into the cold, wolf-like eyes of Hajime Saito. "ORO!!!" Kenshin wailed and fell over backwards.  
  
"Are you feeling ill or something? You were talking about drooling girls and-" Saito started in his cold tone, but Kenshin jumped up and dusted himself off while yelling:  
  
"NO! I'M FINE! BELIEVE ME! NOTHING YOU HEARD WAS TRUE!" Of course, we all know that it was true and that poor Kenshin really wanted to get taller so that girls would drool and worship him, a tall, cool, very god-like guy. Saito gave a smirk and lit a cigarette.  
  
"Hnn......... I see......... you want to be tall, huh?" Saito said, while puffing on his cigarette. Kenshin clenched his teeth.  
  
"The way he puffs on that cigarette is so COOL! I wish I could do that, but Watsuki-sama didn't want me to be that cool!" Kenshin thought, wondering who the heck Watsuki-sama was. He swore in his mind.  
  
"HELL-OOOOO!" Saito called to Kenshin, waving a gloved hand in front of Kenshin's face. "EARTH TO BATTOUSAI!" Saito gave him a punch in the gut when he still didn't reply and continued to stare ahead.  
  
"OOF! Ouch! That hurt!" Kenshin choked, coughing and trying to get his lungs to breathe again. Saito stuffed his hand into his pocket and removed the smoking cigarette from his mouth and held it casually between his two first fingers.  
  
"Battousai the manslayer......... his weakness is that girls don't like him 'cause he's short," Saito laughed coolly. "You're such a wimp."  
  
"You're only saying that because you're tall!" Kenshin whimpered. He decided to fight fire with fire and begin to insult Saito back. "But, you've got a face only a mother could love!" Kenshin attempted to smirk coolly like Saito, but it came out more like a twisted face that resembled a pug-dog. Saito rolled his eyes and stuck the cigarette into his mouth.  
  
"I'm fine with my face, Battousai. I have a woman who loves me for who I am, not what I look like. Even that burnt piece of toast, Shishio, has a girl who loves him for who he is, so maybe you'd better find the right one too," he inhaled smoke from his cigarette. Kenshin made a face. He hated to admit that Saito was right.  
  
"Yeah, well......... you're both the ugliest people who ever lived! Shishio's a toasted marshmallow and you're no prettier than MUD!"  
  
"Actually, mud isn't pretty or ugly. There's no comparison between MUD and me. Oh, and only dumb people use mud as a comparison to an ugly person, and what's ironic about that is mud spelled backwards sounds JUST LIKE the word dumb! Isn't that great? Now why don't you and your "dum mud" take a hike and search for this height that you've been craving? Don't hurt yourself, though," Saito said sarcastically. He smirked and strode casually off down the street smoking his cigarette. Kenshin scowled.  
  
"I'M NOT DUMB!" Kenshin yelled after him, but Saito didn't turn around to look. Kenshin huffed and turned around to walk in the opposite direction.  
  
Kenshin found himself in the heart of Tokyo where there were many shops and wandering people. Kenshin allowed himself to be swept away in the crowd, only stopping to look into a few shops that caught his eye. He eventually stumbled into a dark shop lit by a few mostly burnt out candles and the glowing red light of incense. There was so much incense that it clogged Kenshin's nose and throat. He coughed.  
  
"Ah......... another unhappy guest......... what's the trouble, honey?" an old woman's voice squeaked. It sounded like it hadn't been used in years. She came out of a door on the right side of the room.  
  
"I'm short," Kenshin blurted, unable to hold himself back. He cautiously took another step into the small shop. He couldn't seem to hide his warrior spirit from the old woman. He hoped none of his enemies were hiding around the place. They'd be able to sense his ki from a long way away. "And Saito is tall, and I want to be tall, and Saito is so cool and calm and reserved, and I want to be cool and calm and reserved, and-" The old woman signaled him to stop. Kenshin abruptly shut his mouth and listened to the woman.  
  
"And you know this tall man?" the woman rasped. "Tell me about him." She began to chew on a grubby thumbnail.  
  
"Well........." Kenshin thought a minute. "He's as strong as I am. He's a cop, so he's got notoriety......... and he's married already AND he's better looking than me!" Kenshin couldn't believe that after many years, he had finally allowed his secret to get out into the open. He closed his mouth. She looked up form her careful examination of her fingernails.  
  
"No, keep going. Any habits that this man has? I may be able to help you with your problem," the woman mumbled, pulling her purple shawl tighter around her as if she was cold. It was actually really warm in the room.  
  
"Yes. He likes to smirk a lot, but he does it in this cool, calm way that is......... well......... cool!" Kenshin said, playing with a loose thread on his sleeve. "Oh, and he smokes cigarettes in this-"  
  
"AHA!" the woman said so loudly that Kenshin jumped. She pulled out a blue box of cigarettes and handed it to Kenshin. "Give one to this Hajime Saito guy and smoke one at the same time. I'm sure you'll like the results." Kenshin slowly took it from her bony, wrinkled hand and looked at it, squinting in the dim light.  
  
"Thank you, but......... I have no money," Kenshin said, sheepishly.  
  
"No pay is necessary. I just wanted to help you, that is all, honey. Now one cigarette will only last three days. On midnight on the third day, the effect will wear off and you will need to smoke another one. I hope you enjoy it........." the woman said, her voice cracking. She hobbled back into the door on the right of the room. She slammed the door after her without letting Kenshin thank her. He sighed and turned for the door.  
  
"Interesting," Kenshin mumbled and stepped out of the shop, stowing the blue box into his gi. "Hey, did I ever tell her Saito's first name? Hm! I must've! She can't already know the guy; he's a cop under the name of Goro Fujita," Kenshin wondered aloud. He shrugged. Then, he walked down the road toward the police station.  
  
A/N: I'm wondering what all of you people out there think about my fic so far! Let me know. I promise it'll get more interesting! I promise! 


	2. The switcheroo

"MR.FUJITA!" a voice called form the back of the police station.  
  
"I'll interrogate him later! Just leave him alone for now! AND DON'T BOTHER ME AGAIN!" Saito shouted back angrily. "Ahou." He muttered. He reached for a cigarette- they were the only things between him and killing the other police officers that he worked with. To his dismay, the box had disappeared. Saito swore under his breath.  
  
"You should watch your mouth, Saito," a calm voice said, from the darkest corner of the room.  
  
"What are you doing here..." Saito asked coldly without turning toward the corner to see who it was. He already knew. "... Battousai?"  
  
"I was just here to have a short conversation with you about mud," Kenshin said, coming out of the shadows. He was smoking a cigarette that had an odd, blue glow at the end of it instead of the usual red.  
  
"What is that?" Saito asked, gesturing toward the cigarette hanging from his mouth.  
  
"Oh, this? It's a special cigarette that I got form a store downtown. Here, try one," Kenshin said, tossing Saito the box. Kenshin breathed in too hard and snorted.  
  
"Pig," Saito muttered. He examined the box. "It's blue," Saito observed. It took a while for Kenshin to respond. He was too busy coughing and snorting.  
  
"Yes. It...is," Kenshin spluttered, blushing slightly. "I use the unique blue box to tell which ones they are." This was obviously not true because Kenshin had just got the cigarettes that day. Saito pulled one out. It had a picture drawn on it in blue ink. Saito examined it more closely and found that it was a picture of two people connected by a thread of smoke from each of their cigarettes.  
  
"So... what's the catch?" Saito asked, turning it over and looking at it. "You don't smoke. There's obviously a catch." Kenshin leaned over and blew some blue smoke into Saito's face. Saito coughed.  
  
"There isn't a catch. Just try one. You'll like them, believe me. I didn't like smoking until I tried one of these a few months ago," Kenshin lied. He reached over and pulled a match out of Saito's shirt pocket. He stuck the blue cigarette into Saito's mouth and lit it quickly before he could change his mind.  
  
"What did you do that for, Battousai?! I-" Suddenly, he stopped. There was a bright flash of blue light and Saito slumped forward in his chair and passed out. It was the last thing Kenshin saw before he fell to the floor and into unconsciousness.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Kenshin woke up, groggy and dizzy. His head was resting on Saito's desk. Had Saito put him there when he passed out? He looked outside the window and saw that it was dark out. He stood up, rubbing his head, and walked around to the front of Saito's desk and tripped over something on the floor. Kenshin looked down and found, to his horror, his own body lying under his foot.  
  
"Ouch... Battousai... why did you do that? Oh... what happened?" Kenshin's body stood up and rubbed its side where Kenshin had hit it.  
  
"Saito... is that you?" Kenshin asked, hardly able to speak. He recognized his voice as not his own, but Saito's.  
  
"What are you talking about, Battousai, of course it's...me?" Saito stared at his body standing in front of him. "WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME?!" Saito cried, grabbing at his clothing. "No way... I'm...I'm...I'm...I'm... wearing PINK!"  
  
"It's not pink!" Kenshin said, crossing his arms. "It's magenta!" He stared at his own lean body. It was tall and thin, but muscular and strong. "Wow. Saito, you have a NICE body!" Kenshin said.  
  
"Shut up, Battousai. You're the only one who can be happy. Look at me! I've got LONG RED HAIR and I look like a GIRL!" Saito said. "If I have to stay in your body for a while, I'm going to cut your hair!"  
  
"WHAT! NO WAY!" Kenshin yelled. "DON'T CUT MY HAIR!" Saito smirked in Kenshin's body. It looked right.  
  
"I can do whatever I darn well please. This is my body now, right?" Saito asked. "And if you don't mind, can we switch swords? I can't stand a reverse blade..."  
  
"No! We have to pretend nothing happened. I know what you do. You know what I do. I'll pretend to be you and you can pretend to be me. We are only stuck like this for three days, okay?" Kenshin said, trying to stay calm. "And no bathing for three days. I don't want you to see me naked!"  
  
"Clean my body, Battousai. I'm not too worried about it, just don't do anything embarrassing," Saito said, pulling out the sword and examining it closely. "I trust you to act like I would. Oh, and also, you have to smirk right. And no saying 'oro'." Kenshin stared. This seemed to be harder than it looked.  
  
"I can't... say... ORO?!" Kenshin exclaimed, waving his arms. "Why not?!"  
  
"You have to act like I do, moron. I-" Saito was cut off by Kenshin.  
  
"HEY... YOU have to act like ME too! I never call anyone a 'moron'," Kenshin said, closing his eyes.  
  
"Okay, so we both have to act like each other. Let's practice while we still have time. Call me 'Battousai'," Saito instructed. "OOOOORRRRRROOOOO!!!"  
  
"Hey, it's not like that!" Kenshin exclaimed. "It's like this: OORROO!"  
  
"Smirk for me," Saito said. Kenshin attempted to smirk coolly like Saito usually did. It came out looking like a mix of disgust and like Kenshin was feeling constipated. Saito held back a snicker.  
  
"What? Did I do it right?" Kenshin asked. Saito shook his head no. "Darn..."  
  
"We'll just try our hardest," Saito said. "Now... where is your house again? Oh yeah, you live at the Kamiya Dojo, huh?" He started for the door. "Hang on!" Kenshin shouted. "Where do you live? OH WAIT. YOU... HAVE... A...WIFE!" Saito stopped. There was a long silence. A long, long, long, long, long silence.  
  
"Yes, I do," Saito said plainly. "So what?"  
  
"What do I do about her?"  
  
"I don't know. I don't want you and her to..." Saito cringed, allowing his imagination to carry him to many undesirable conclusions. He turned. "Just say that you had a rough night and that you want to go straight to bed. Go into the GUEST room and tell her that you'll be waking up REALLY early, so you don't want to wake her and that's why you're staying there. OKAY?" Kenshin nodded, not really listening. He would just go with the flow.  
  
"What's her name?" Kenshin asked.  
  
"Tokio. No Miss, or –dono or anything, understand?" Saito asked. He turned on his heel. "I hate your clothing."  
  
"I like yours," Kenshin whispered as Saito walked out the door in Kenshin's body. "I think I could get used to this."  
  
Saito walked through the familiar doors of the Kamiya Dojo. He had fought the Battousai here only about a year before. He walked into the hallway.  
  
"Which one is Battousai's room?" Saito wondered. "I don't know which one..." He was about to curse, but then realized that Battousai doesn't swear aloud. He tiptoed through the dark house, hoping everyone was asleep. Suddenly, a girl walked out of her room and looked his way.  
  
"Kenshin?" the girl said, sleepily. "You're home!"  
  
"Uh..." Saito had forgotten the girl's name from the last time he saw her. He knew it began with a 'K'...  
  
"Kenshin, is something wrong? Where were you?" the girl asked.  
  
"No, no, nothing is... uh... wrong. I was... um... at the police station," Saito said, uneasily.  
  
"Oh. I'll go make you a cup of tea!" the girl said, spur of the moment. She walked off down the hall. "Are you coming?"  
  
"Sure," Saito sighed and walked after her, wishing he were in his own body, at his own home, in his own woman's arms. The girl quickly whipped up a pot of tea and poured a cup for both of them.  
  
"I was worried about you, Kenshin," the girl said, sipping her tea. Saito didn't reply. He just stared at his cup with a blank expression. "Kenshin?" Kaoru asked. "What's wrong?" Saito still didn't reply.  
  
"I... must be suffering from amnesia...uh... that I must?" Saito made a feeble attempt to talk like Kenshin would.  
  
"Why?" the girl said, taking another sip of her tea. "What don't you remember?"  
  
"I... can't remember anything. Not even... where my room is, that I can't," Saito said, trying to smile innocently like Kenshin. He wound up putting on a Goro Fujita smile.  
  
"Oh. You must be tired, Kenshin. I'll take you to your room and you can sleep," the girl took him by the hand. "But you really should tell me what's going on." They walked together to Kenshin's room and Saito opened the door. He walked inside.  
  
"Thank you," Saito said. "Tanuki (raccoon)." He smacked a hand over his mouth. Oops.  
  
"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME KENSHIN NO BAKA!?" the girl cried. She smacked him with a bokken that appeared out of thin air.  
  
"OUCH! I mean......... OORROO!" Saito fell on his face. The girl stalked off and slammed the door behind her. Saito got up and rubbed his nose. He let out a moan. "I like my old life. Baka cigarettes!" Saito peeled off the MAGENTA gi, examining his new body. He dumped the gi on the floor, took out the sakabatou, and flipped the blade. Then, he sliced off all of the bright red hair that fell from his neck down. Cropping it short, he combed it back so that it was no longer tangled and matted. Then, he made his bed and crawled into the covers, falling asleep hours later.  
  
A/N: Was that good? I'll do Kenshin's experience next, but two out of the three reviewers wanted to hear more about Saito, so I couldn't not include him! Tell me if anything is wrong here and if it is, I'll change it. Oh, by the way, I think that everyone knows this but: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin. I didn't put it at the beginning 'cause I forgot, but hey, I put it here, right? Isn't that what matters? Or do people have to read the "I don't own RK" statement at the beginning of the fic? I don't get it. It's like cheese or something. Stuff that I just don't understand.  
  
REVIEW RESPONSES:  
  
Pechan: Uh......... right, thanks? Heh? I added more Saito, does it make you happy? Actually I don't think it does because now Saito's not......... well......... himself anymore, so......... yeah. Thanks for reviewing!  
  
Oro-chan no Tenshi: Thanks. Here's your update! And I'll include more Kenshin in the next chapter, but......... it'll be more like SaitoKenshin or something. Huh? Whatever, thanks anyway.  
  
MissBehavin: I'm seeing you review nearly all of my stories! Thanks so much! Okay, you requested more Saito and so did Pechan, so I did. Now if it were a tie, I don't know what I would have done......... okay, actually, I probably would have put in more Saito because I'm a Saito fan. Heh heh. 


	3. Kenshin's experience

Disclamer: No, I do not own RK. I DON'T! Hear me? DO NOT!  
  
Kenshin walked awkwardly down the street, trying to get used to the newly obtained height.  
  
"I could like this," Kenshin said to himself. "I might even get used to all the smirking and smoking... or I could just say that Saito is changing..." He smiled, but then realized whom he looked like and frowned. He couldn't see how Saito liked frowning so much. Finally, Kenshin reached Saito's house and opened the door with keys that he had found in Saito's pant's pocket.  
  
"Hajime! Finally you're home! Hard day at work?" a woman came out to meet Kenshin. She had diamond- like eyes that were amber in color. She was tall and thin, built like Saito, but more feminine. Her hair was tied in a high ponytail, but four bangs fell messily from her hairline. She pulled him into the house.  
  
"Tokio? Gosh, you're really beautiful," Kenshin mused. He stared at her for a while, but then heard her melodic voice calling to him... or Saito, that is.  
  
"HAJIME?!" Tokio shook him gently. "Are you feeling okay?" Tokio asked. She frowned.  
  
"Yes, but Tokio? Could you... take me to my room?" Kenshin asked, sheepishly. Tokio gave him an odd look.  
  
"Hajime, you don't usually act like this," Tokio said. However, she took his hand and brought him upstairs to his room.  
  
"Wow. We've got a nice house," Kenshin said, dreamily. It was the life he had dreamed of. He undressed quickly, trying to get used to the new body. He had never used buttons before and he stood there, looking like a fool, fumbling with them.  
  
"Hajime," Tokio sighed, helping Kenshin in Saito's body out of Saito's clothes. "Did you hit your head or something? Get into bed." She pulled back the covers and began to undress herself. Kenshin sucked in air and jumped into the bed, covering his head with the blanket. Tokio climbed in bed with him, a beautiful nightgown hanging on her thin frame.  
  
"It's what I've always wanted!" Kenshin thought sleepily. "A beautiful girl who loves me, a house instead of a dojo, and the HEIGHT!" He felt Tokio slide her arms around his stomach and they fell asleep happily together.  
  
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* * *

  
"Battousai, how'd it go?" Saito asked in the police station. He was still in Kenshin's body, watching Kenshin squirm.  
  
"You cut my hair!" Kenshin squealed. It looked odd because Kenshin was in Saito's body. Kenshin was sitting at Saito's desk.  
  
"How many more days? Two? How was Tokio? Is she okay? DID YOU DO WHAT I TOLD YOU TO?" Saito questioned. He didn't want his dreams that night to become a reality. Kenshin and his Tokio... he shook away the disturbing thoughts.  
  
"Yeah, everything's fine. Tokio is WONDERFUL!" Kenshin exclaimed. He grinned.  
  
"Don't get used to it, Battousai. We will be changing back soon," Saito scowled. He stood up and walked toward the door. "I'm going to the market. I'll see you later when you go on your rounds."  
  
"What rounds? I have no idea what you're talking about, that I don't!" Kenshin said, smoothing out wrinkles on his dark blue uniform.  
  
"You're a police officer. Of course you have rounds! You have to patrol the city, THAT YOU DO!" Saito said with such sarcasm that Kenshin wanted to slap him.  
  
"Okay, alright, so I have rounds. Big deal. All I have to do is walk around and watch people so that they don't get into trouble!" Kenshin replied through clenched teeth. He crossed his arms. "And that can't be so hard, can it?"  
  
"Don't be too sure, Battousai," Saito said, turning to walk out of the office. "You might be surprised." And with that, he strode out of the police station, running his fingers through his short red hair.  
  
"I can't believe he cut my hair!" Kenshin growled. It sounded very Saito- like. "He'll get it..." Then, he placed his hat on his head and adjusted his katana. He looked down at his body. Too bad there's only one more day of this after today, Kenshin remembered. He sighed. Suddenly, he remembered the cigarettes that had been tucked into his pocket. He ran out the door to catch up with Saito so that he could get the pack of ciggies back.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -   
  


* * *

  
Saito walked along, his head angled toward the floor. He still felt as though people could notice that he wasn't whom he looked like. Suddenly, he felt a powerful grip on his shoulder that he recognized to be his own. He turned and saw Kenshin in his body, wearing his hat and breathing heavily.  
  
"I ran as fast as I could. I left something in my pocket!" Kenshin panted, stuffing his hand into Saito's pocket and pulling out the blue box of cigarettes.  
  
"Hey! Those were the cigarettes that started this whole thing!" Saito shouted, attempting to grab them back. Kenshin lifted the gloved hand that the cigarettes were in so that they were above Saito's reach.  
  
"I love being tall!" Kenshin laughed. He tucked them into his shirt pocket. "I'll see you later, BATTOUSAI!" Kenshin walked off down the road smiling evilly to himself.  
  
"I hate you, Battousai," Saito muttered, walking off in the other direction. He arrived at the dojo where the tanuki girl was practicing with Yahiko.  
  
"Kenshin!" Tanuki yelled, waving her bokken at him. "You have to do the laundry!"  
  
"WHAT?! Er... uh... I mean... my pleasure!" Saito smiled. It was a Goro Fujita moment. He put on a scowl and walked over to the basin where a basket of dirty clothes was waiting to be emptied. He filled the basin with water and picked up some soap. Saito pulled out a pair of underwear that was yellow and gray.  
  
"Gross........." Saito muttered dropping it into the tub of water. "Whose is that?"  
  
"Oh, that's mine!" a familiar voice called. It was Sano. "Thanks for finally washin' it, Kenshin! It hasn't been washed for who knows how long!"  
  
"Ahou," Saito said in reply. He shook his head. Sano didn't seem to hear the insult.  
  
"Hey, Kenshin! When did you cut your hair?" Sano called.  
  
"When I decided that I was too cool to look like a girl!" Saito replied. Sano didn't respond. Saito turned back to the laundry. It's only one more day! Just ONE MORE DAY! He thought.  
  
"KAORU!" Yahiko yelled from inside the dojo. "Why'd you do that?"  
  
"Kaoru! That's her name!" Saito mumbled. He began to scrub at the clothes clumsily, then dumped them into the basket again. Then, he walked over to the clothesline and began to hang them. Kaoru walked out of the dojo, her face flushed and her hair matted to her forehead with sweat.  
  
"Kenshin? Are you feeling better? Where did you go this morning? I didn't see you in bed, so I got kind of worried," Kaoru said. Saito shrugged.  
  
"I went to the police station, where else?" Saito replied automatically. He squeezed his eyes together. STUPID!  
  
"Why would you go there? To see that baka cop, Saito?" Kaoru asked, flipping her sweaty hair over her shoulder.  
  
"He's not a baka... he's a... uh..." Saito couldn't decide what to say about himself. "He's not a baka anymore than you're a Tanuki!" Whoops...  
  
"KENSHIN NO BAKA!!!" Kaoru cried, smacking him over the head with a bokken. Saito sunk to the ground, a giant lump forming on his head.  
  
"Ow... I mean Oro..." Saito moaned. He rubbed his head. "Why are you always so violent?" Kaoru's face relaxed and she looked like she was about to cry.  
  
"Wh-wh-what?" Kaoru asked. "You really think I'm too violent, Kenshin?" Saito gave a small sweatdrop, then turned back to hanging the clothes.  
  
"No," Saito sighed. "When's lunch?" Yahiko ran out of the dojo.  
  
"Yeah! Are we going to the Akabeko, or is Kenshin gonna cook? We all know that if Kaoru does it that we'll all die!" Yahiko laughed. Kaoru glared at him. Saito sweatdropped again.  
  
"I think we should go to the... Akabeko... uh... that we should," Saito said, smiling, and another Goro Fujita moment was born. Sano nodded his head vigorously.  
  
"Yeah!" Sano yelled like a little kid. "Akabeko!" Kaoru grinned.  
  
"Okay! That's a great idea!" she said. "I'll go get changed and then we can go." She ran off. Saito sighed with relief. At least he wouldn't have to cook for them.  
  
A/N: Right...... I really have to get working on this fic. It's going so SLOWLY! I'll finish it soon, I promise! The reviews I'm getting on this are interesting. Some are pro-Kenshin and others are pro-Saito. Hee hee......... I enjoy reading them! Okee dokee, please review!  
  
REVIEW RESPONSES:  
  
MissBehavin: Thank you. Yes, the gi is pink, but Kenshin insists on magenta. Thanks again!  
  
Oro-chan no Tenshi: No, NOT yaoi. I hate that pairing......... sorry if you like it, but I don't. I don't usually like Sano/Saito pairings either. Once again, sorriy if you do. Appreciate your reviews! 


	4. The Yellow Snowman

Disclaimer: Nope... nothing's mine... 'cept for the story... yup... okay, on with it... mmm hmmm...............................................................  
  
Kenshin walked along the road, watching the passers-by for any odd behavior. He stared at the blue sky and grinned, then realized that Saito never grins, so he frowned.  
  
"I hate frowning," Kenshin muttered, unconsciously walking into the Akabeko. He opened the door and headed over to Tae.  
  
"Uh..." Tae looked up at him, then backed away. "Please take a... seat?" She gulped. Kenshin gave a confused look, then walked over to a table and sat down.  
  
"Oh yeah, I look like Saito!" Kenshin thought after sitting down. Suddenly, he felt really terrible. "Huh? Is it wearing off or something?" Kenshin wondered. After sitting for another two or three minutes, he got up and ran outside to throw up. While leaning against a tree wondering what the heck was wrong with himself, Kenshin spotted Saito, Kaoru, Yahiko, and Sano all going toward the Akabeko.  
  
"Oh yeah! I'm so hungry!" Sano yelled, punching the air. "Let's hurry and go in!" Kaoru nodded and said something that Kenshin couldn't hear. Then, Saito caught his eye.  
  
"Uh... I have to do something right now, that I do," Saito said to Kaoru. "You guys go inside and get a table and I'll meet you inside, okay?" Kaoru was about to question him, but nodded and walked inside after Sano and Yahiko. Saito walked over to Kenshin.  
  
"You...... sounded just like me, Saito," Kenshin commented, holding a gloved hand across his mouth.  
  
"What's wrong with you? You look green," Saito said, staring at himself in his body.  
  
"Yeah, just feeling nauseous..." Kenshin muttered. Saito narrowed his eyes at Kenshin.  
  
"Smoke, idiot," Saito said. "You need it." He turned to leave.  
  
"Wait!" Kenshin said. "How's Kaoru-dono doing?" Saito sighed.  
  
"She's fine. You'll see her the day after tomorrow when you wake up in your own body," Saito snapped. "I'm glad I only have to live this nightmare for another day." He walked toward the Akabeko, leaving Kenshin leaning by himself against the tree. He pulled a cigarette and a match out of his pocket.  
  
"WAIT! Saito!" Kenshin called to his body. Saito stopped and turned his lavender eyes to the police officer.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"Could you light this match for me?" Kenshin asked sheepishly. Saito groaned and took the match from Kenshin's hand, striking it against the tree. He lit the end of Kenshin's cigarette, then blew the match out.  
  
"There," Saito said. "Anything else?" Kenshin nodded.  
  
"Teach me," Kenshin demanded. Saito groaned again. He took a match out of Kenshin's pocket and held it between his thumb and first finger. Kenshin watched, and unconsciously stuck the lit end of the cigarette into his mouth.  
  
"You hold it like this and..." Saito started, but was cut off by a yelp from Kenshin. He had his tongue sticking out of his mouth, fanning it with his hand. Saito sweatdropped.  
  
"OW! OW! OW!" Kenshin yelped. Saito tossed the match over his shoulder and shook his head, walking into the Akabeko. Kenshin stared after him.  
  
"Whoops..." he said, sticking the smoldering cigarette into his mouth- the right way this time.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Saito sat down in between Sano and Yahiko across the table from Kaoru. He sighed and stared blankly at the chopsticks in front of him.  
  
"Is something wrong, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked. Saito shook his head and continued to daydream.  
  
"Kenshin...?"Sano asked, waving a hand in front of Saito's face.  
  
"Cut it out, ahou," Saito snapped, then realized that Kenshin would never say that.  
  
"Hey, Kenshin, you're acting weird all of a sudden!" Sano yelled. Saito sighed gave a Goro Grin, completely giving up on trying to smile like Kenshin.  
  
"Sorry, rough night. I didn't sleep... that I didn't," Saito said. Kaoru stood up and grabbed Saito by the arm, dragging him out of the Akabeko.  
  
"Kenshin," Kaoru said once they were outside. "If there's something wrong, you can tell me." Saito thought hard about telling her, then decided that it was best if he didn't.  
  
"No, nothing's wrong... Kaoru... uh... dono. I just...... am really tired. I'll go to the dojo and sleep until you guys return, that I will," Saito said. "I'm not really that hungry anyway." He turned on his heel and walked away. Kaoru stared after him for some time, then returned to the Akabeko for lunch.  
  
Saito turned the corner, then ran toward the police station where he was pretty sure the Battousai would be. He burst into his own office and found Kenshin sitting at the desk doodling on a piece of paper.  
  
"Battousai, you idiot!" Saito growled, snatching the paper away. He looked at it for some time. It was a picture of Kaoru and Tokio, both in bathing suits.  
  
"Hey!" Kenshin yelled. "Give it back!" He grabbed the doodle from Saito's fingers.  
  
"You have a sick mind," Saito commented, an odd look on his face. Kenshin pouted.  
  
"I was having SOOO much fun!" Kenshin said. "You want a cigarette?"  
  
"No," Saito replied curtly. He couldn't believe he had just said that. Turning down a cigarette! Was he not well? Kenshin couldn't either. Kenshin stood from the chair and picked up the Goro Hat, which was resting on a coat hanger near the door.  
  
"I have rounds, Battousai," Kenshin sniggered. "I have to go." Kenshin walked out of the room, leaving Saito standing there by himself. Saito gave an angry glare at the wall, then walked out of the office as well, heading for the Kamiya Dojo.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Kenshin walked along the road, tipping his hat to the ladies along the road, stopping to look at some of the items that the shops had out. Then, there was a yell. A tall man in a yellow gi and hakama was walking out of a shop, a sack on his shoulder and his sword covered in blood.  
  
"A criminal!" Kenshin gasped. "I have to stop him! I am a cop after all!" Kenshin unsheathed his sword but realized that it was not a reverse blade. Fumbling with it a little, Kenshin held it the wrong way so the blade was facing himself.  
  
"HA HA!" the gangster yelled. "Run run run as fast as you can, the police can't catch me, I'm the yellow snowman!" Kenshin made a face. Yellow snowman?! He chased after the man.  
  
"OOOOHHHH!" the Yellow Snowman said. "You want to fight me?" Kenshin narrowed his eyes.  
  
"Yes, I do," Kenshin said. The Yellow Snowman raised his sword and attacked. Kenshin easily stepped out of the way of the clumsy attack. Then, Kenshin raised his sword.  
  
"HITEN MITSERUGI STYLE, RYU TSUI SEN!" Kenshin yelled, jumping into the air. To his horror, he fell heavily to the floor. CRASH!  
  
"HA HA HA HA......... OH OH......... HEE HEE............ MUA HA HA... HUM," the Yellow Snowman laughed crazily. Kenshin sat up.  
  
"Oro...... uh, I mean.........Ouch........." he rubbed his head, standing. "That was odd... HITEN MITERUGI STYLE, RYU SHO SEN!" Kenshin ran toward the Yellow Snowman. He tried to go really fast in that fast, Kenshin-like way, but it never happened. Instead, he bluntly (and slowly) hit the Yellow Snowman's big fat stomach.  
  
"What was that?" the Yellow Snowman asked. He raised his sword and cut Kenshin's arm.  
  
"Why can't I use any of my best moves?" Kenshin wondered, glaring at the Yellow Snowman. Suddenly, he realized why. "I'm in SAITO'S body! I can't use my attacks because his body isn't made for the lightning fast speed of the Hiten Mitserugi Style! Looks like I'll have to try the......... Gatotsu." Kenshin made a face, then gripped the sword in his RIGHT (Hint hint) hand and attempted to settle into the Gatotsu stance.  
  
"Bring it on, cop!" the Yellow Snowman yelled. Kenshin placed his free left hand on the gleaming blade of the katana. He aimed, then charged with......... um......... the Gatotsu, and tripped over his own feet. He fell onto the floor, looking like an idiot.  
  
"Darn......... I can't even do the Gatotsu! How do I fight NOW?" Kenshin wondered. He stood up, trying to keep his composure. "Well...... in as Master Hiko said, in a fight that you can't do anything in.........RUN!" Kenshin turned on his heel and ran in the opposite direction leaving the Yellow Snowman laughing behind him.  
  
"BAKA DESHI!" Hiko yelled, appearing out of nowhere and smacking Kenshin upside the head. "I never told you to RUN! I said have FUN!" Kenshin sweatdropped.  
  
"That doesn't make any sense," Kenshin said.  
  
"I know, I'm drunk. Never get hooked on sake, it'll mess with your BRAIN!" Hiko laughed.  
  
"Wait, how do you know I'm me?" Kenshin asked. "I look like Saito!"  
  
"It doesn't matter what's on the outside, it's the inside that counts," Hiko said mysteriously. Kenshin sweatdropped again.  
  
"What?" Kenshin asked. Hiko laughed.  
  
"Your ki, Baka, your ki! It's the same!" Hiko giggled, bubbling with laughter (A/N: That would scare me half to death...). Kenshin sweatdropped.  
  
"So how do I defeat the Yellow Snowman?" Kenshin asked. Hiko slurped sake thoughtfully. Actually, it was more like drunkenly, but hey!  
  
"Melt him," Hiko replied. "Like the sun melting the snow to reveal pretty red roses." Kenshin sweatdropped yet again.  
  
"How?"  
  
"How'm I supposed to know?" Hiko asked. He jumped up and down like a hyper child (A/N: THAT would scare me as well.).  
  
"But I know you'll get through this, like a hibernating bear through winter." Hiko said. Kenshin sweatdropped AGAIN (A/N: Anybody counting how many times Kenshin is sweatdropping? 1...2...3... ^_^ Tell me if you count!).  
  
"Okay..." Kenshin mumbled. "What have you been doing these past few days?"  
  
"Drinking and reading these weird books that you left in my house the last time that you stopped by," Hiko hiccuped gleefully. Kenshin sighed.  
  
"Those are poetry books," he said. "That's why you're so weird." Then, he walked away from his hyper, poetic shishou.  
  
A/N: Okay, so this was a little... random, but it does play a vital role in the story, so do try to appreciate the... not-funny-really-randomness. Thank you. Oh, and I'm kind of feeling sorry for Kenshin here. There aren't as many Kenshin fans reviewing as... Saito fans... hm...  
  
REVIEW RESPONSES:  
  
MissBehavin: Yes, well, Saito is JUST BARELY hanging on, but in the next chapter... um... you'll be... well, I don't want to give it away or anything, but it's... an interaction with Tokio. Not a bad thing or anything, but... yeah. That's all I'm saying. Thanks for your review!  
  
Oro-chan no Tenshi: Hello, one and only Kenshin fan! It's okay, but I wish there were more of you... there'd be more entertainment. I'd like to see the debate between the hardships of Saito and Kenshin... well, thanks for reviewing. And I am unworthy of the title –dono, but thank you so much. (You sound like Kenshin, it's very... cool...)  
  
Wounds: Thank you for reviewing! I will get to your stories, but I'm so... busy! Glad you like it. I'm trying to beat Kenshin up, but there's nothing really... bad in Saito's life that can torture Kenshin. I hope that this chapter beat Kenshin up enough! Thanks again!  
  
Pechan: Thanks for thinking I'm creative! You are too, I wouldn't have ever thought of having Saito's daughter fall in love with... Kenji! I liked your story! It's not done, and I hope you'll accept my apologies! But this chapter... is telling of... the end... ((O_O)) very mysterious... 


	5. Dinner with Tokio

"YOU RAN AWAY, AHOU?!" Saito yelled. He and Kenshin were standing inside Saito's office at the police station.  
  
"Well, I couldn't do anything, and Master Hiko said—"Kenshin started.  
  
"Forget what Master Hiko said!" Saito yelled angrily. "You ran away from battle! You should commit seppuku right now! In fact, I'd kill you now if it weren't for the fact that I need the body you're in!" (A/N: I just had to tell you that if a member of the Shinsengumi ran from battle, they had to commit seppuku on the spot.)  
  
"Sorry, Saito," Kenshin said, staring at his toes. Saito glared at him, then turned away. There was a very long silence.  
  
"Saito?" Kenshin asked. "Are you hungry?" Saito turned to him.  
  
"Sure," Saito said. "Where're we going?" Kenshin thought for a moment, then grinned.  
  
"Your house!" Kenshin said.  
  
"Okay," Saito said. They arrived at Saito's house and Kenshin opened the door with his keys. They walked in.  
  
"Hi, Hajime!" Tokio's voice could be heard from the kitchen. "I'm almost done with dinner!" Saito gulped. He wished he was himself right now. Kenshin walked into the kitchen.  
  
"Tokio, we have a guest," Kenshin mumbled. Saito stepped in after him.  
  
"We do?" Tokio asked, turning. Saito bowed to her, feeling stupid (A/N: But of course, Saito is NEVER stupid... ^_^).  
  
"Tokio-dono," Saito said, coming up. Tokio bowed back.  
  
"This is......... Himura Kenshin," Kenshin said. It felt weird to introduce himself. Saito just stood there like a rock.  
  
"Nice to meet you, Himura-san," Tokio said cheerily. She turned back to the pot of soup. "Hajime, I made your favorite!" Kenshin cast a glance at Saito.  
  
"Kake Soba!" Saito hissed at Kenshin. Kenshin nodded.  
  
"Really? You made soba for me?" Kenshin asked walking over to Tokio and placing his hand on her arm. Saito made a strange face, cleared his voice and dropped his katana on purpose.  
  
"Oops, sorry," Saito said through gritted teeth. Then, with all of the self control he could muster, he walked stiffly out of the kitchen. Kenshin blushed and turned away from Tokio.  
  
"I'll see you at the table," Kenshin said. He walked out of the room and found Saito leaning against the wall near the front door.  
  
"What?" Saito asked.  
  
"I'm sorry, Saito, I didn't think and-"Kenshin started, but Saito cut him off.  
  
"You're **** right you didn't think, ahou!" Saito bit back. He glared at Kenshin.  
  
"I'm sorry," Kenshin apologized.  
  
"You should be," Saito replied. The silence was broken by Tokio's voice.  
  
"Dinner!"  
  
"Come on, Saito, you can't be mad at me forever!" Kenshin said. Saito cast him a glare that said: Oh yes, I can. Kenshin gulped, then shut his mouth. They walked into the dining room where Tokio had set out the bowls and chopsticks. They sat on the cushions that had been neatly placed on the floor. Tokio immediately served the soba, then bowed and returned to the kitchen. Kenshin picked up his chopsticks and was about to dip them in the broth, but Saito stopped him.  
  
"No," Saito said. "You don't eat until she does." Kenshin gave him a look and placed the chopsticks where they were before. Tokio returned with tea, then she sat on her cushion and began to eat. Then, the two men picked up their chopsticks and began to eat as well. Kenshin glanced every so often at Tokio, who was next to him, but only when Saito wasn't looking.  
  
Soon, the meal was almost finished.  
  
"Thank you," Saito bowed to Tokio. "It was delicious." Tokio blushed slightly.  
  
"Thank you, Himura-san," Tokio replied. She stood to clear the table. Kenshin stood up as well.  
  
"Here, Tokio, I'll help," Kenshin said. He picked up his bowl and followed her into the kitchen. "Wait here, Himura-san." Kenshin nodded to Saito. Saito stayed where he was.  
  
"Hajime," Tokio said, placing her bowl on the counter. "Why did he come here?" Kenshin thought fast.  
  
"Work," he replied simply. "I have to go... talk to him now, so..." he stopped. Tokio pulled him down to her level and brought him to her.  
  
"She's going to..." Kenshin thought. Their lips were about to meet.............................. when a blade was thrust in between Kenshin and Tokio's mouths. They both looked up. Saito (in Kenshin's body, of course,) was holding the blade, an angry gleam in his eye.  
  
"What do you think you're doing, Battousai?" Saito growled. He flicked the sword so it was nearly touching Kenshin's nose.  
  
"Uh..." Kenshin blabbered. He couldn't find the right words. Saito was about to attack Kenshin when he felt a hand hit his cheek.  
  
"Who do you think you are, Himura-san?" Tokio asked, a slight edge to her voice.  
  
"Tokio, I'm not Himura-san," Saito said. He didn't even think about what he was saying, he just said it. Tokio gave him an odd look.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"He's your husband," Kenshin said. Saito sheathed his sword. Tokio looked at them both strangely.  
  
"What?" she asked. Saito looked at her and sighed.  
  
"It's best to tell her the truth, Battousai," he said. Kenshin nodded.  
  
"Well... it's a long story, but I think we have time," Kenshin said. Then, he began the tale.  
  
A/N: Okay, so I didn't update this story for such a long time that I would be surprised if anyone was actually reading this! I will try to finish soon, but busyness gets the better of me sometimes. I can't wait until summer vacation! Then I'll be able to update more often, I think. This was short, I know, but I can't help it. Anyway, thanks for reading!  
  
REVIEW RESPONSES (If you're still reading):  
  
Pechan: Hello again! Thanks for reading Yeah, I like to glorify Saito, but that's just 'cause I'm a fan! I'll finish soon, I promise. There's just one final twist...  
  
MissBehavin: Hi. You really think Hiko was funny? Thank you! Hope you liked this chapter. It wasn't all that funny, but it does, once again, play a vital role in the story.  
  
S3r3nity: Thank you for thinking this is the best humor fic you've read. Thanks so much!  
  
Oro-chan no tenshi: You're still alone on Kenshin's side. Still. I'm feeling sorry for Kenshin now. I'm so sorry, Kenshin.  
  
Wounds: Beat up Kenshin? I don't know if the Kenshin fans'll like that, but I think I'll be beating up on both of them. Really, I will. And it will get funnier than this chapter, but I had to write this. Just had to.  
  
Aikawarazu Ai: You're lefty too? I'm on a hunt for the lefties around FF.net's Kenshin area. So far, I've found two others other than you and me. I like being a lefty too, but scissors are TERRIBLE! They discriminate against lefties! EVIL SCISSORS! Scissors Soku Zan! 


	6. Tanuki Anger!

Kaoru screamed. Not a scared damsel in distress scream. A scream that was filled with anger at a certain red-headed swordsman.  
  
"WHERE IS KENSHIN? WHERE IS HE? HE BETTER NOT'VE GONE OFF WANDERING AGAIN OR I'LL KILLLLLLLLL HIIIIIMMMMMM!" Kaoru shrieked. She picked up the closest object, which happened to be Sano, and started banging him against the wall.  
  
"OW! OW! OW! OWIE!!!!" Sano yelped as his head hit the dojo wall. Kaoru blew steam from her nostrils and tossed the bruised Sano into the door.  
  
"KENSHIN!!!! WHERE ARE YOU????" Kaoru yelled angrily. She picked up the tofu bucket which for some reason had appeared in the dojo and tossed it at Sano. He jumped away, and the bucket shot through the door making a hole, perfectly shaped like the bucket. Sano paled.  
  
"Uhhh........... jou-chan? Are you... okay?"  
  
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR YOU IDIOT!" Kaoru roared. Sano stared at her.  
  
"Huh?" Sano backed away.  
  
"You just put a hole in the door! IDIOT!" Kaoru wailed. Sano swallowed hard, then blinked. Kaoru let out a snarl and charged at him like a mad bull. Steam spewed from her nostrils.  
  
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKK!" Sano yelled like a girl and ran from the room. Kaoru huffed and kicked the wall.  
  
"Where ARE you, Kenshin?"  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Tokio jumped up, paling. She looked like she was about to throw up.  
  
"No way... he... I... and... we...?!" Tokio stared in disbelief at Kenshin, then at Saito, then back at Kenshin. She put her hands on her hips.  
  
"This better not be some sort of trick, Hajime," Tokio snapped at Kenshin. Saito looked up at her with a guilty look on his face.  
  
"It's not," he said. Tokio stared at him.  
  
"Prove it," she said. Saito looked at Kenshin for a minute. How to proceed? Kenshin shrugged.  
  
"Hmmm..." Saito thought. "Aha! You said that I was as fierce as a wolf when we were-"Saito started, but Tokio slapped a hand over his mouth. (A/N: NOT what you think.)  
  
"Uh... heh heh... don't spill all of our secrets, Hajime," Tokio said. Kenshin stared at them with a strange look.  
  
"What?" Kenshin asked. "When you were...?"  
  
"Well, it was when we were little kids and—"Saito started again, holding Tokio's hand away from his face, but Tokio smacked the other hand across his mouth.  
  
"And? AND?" Kenshin asked, dying to know. Saito pulled the other hand off of his mouth, then smirked.  
  
"Yare yare, Tokio. I won't tell the most embarrassing part," he said. Tokio huffed and sat down again. "So we were little kids and I threw a snowball at Tokio. It hit her in the face and she got mad. Naturally, she attacked me." Kenshin waited in anxiousness.  
  
"Yeah, so?" Kenshin asked. Saito sighed.  
  
"I climbed a tree. And she climbed after me. But since she was wearing a kimono, she got caught in the branches. So I tried to get her down. And when I tried to get her down... she bit me. And I bit her back," Saito said. Kenshin stared.  
  
"So? I could imagine you doing that," he said. Saito sweatdropped.  
  
"Well, I bit her... um..." he stopped and stood up. "I think I should be getting back to the dojo." Tokio stopped him.  
  
"Hajime, when will you be yourself?" she asked. Kenshin also stood, pouting. He didn't get to hear the rest of the story!  
  
"After tomorrow is over," Kenshin said, still pouting. Tokio nodded, then gave Saito a kiss.  
  
"I'll see you then," she said. Saito blushed slightly and left abruptly to hide it. Kenshin grinned, trying to hide his flaring jealousy.  
  
"Himura-san, don't smile like that," Tokio said. "It doesn't suit you."  
  
"Okay, just don't call me Himura-san," Kenshin said. "We don't want anyone else knowing. And when will I hear the rest of the story?" Tokio smiled.  
  
"Never," she said. "It's something only Hajime and I will know."  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Saito crept into Kenshin's room where he took off the pink... er... MAGENTA gi and tossed it messily onto the floor. He changed into nightclothes and crawled under the covers. Then, he fell asleep.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
"KKKKKEEEEEENNNNNSSSSHHHHIIIIIIINNNNNN YOU BAKAAAAAAAA!" a loud, angry Kaoru yelled outside the door. Saito sat up, rubbing sleep from his eyes. What time was it, exactly?  
  
"Huuuuuuuuuhhh?" Saito mumbled through the shoji. Kaoru screamed again, and there was a loud cracking sound as the shoji door was split in two. Kaoru let out a loud growl and stomped her foot on the floor. Saito was sitting, dazed, on his futon, rubbing his eyes. He looked at Kaoru, who was still in her sleeping garments.  
  
"You come back and don't tell me, you baka?!" Kaoru screamed. "And look what you did to the door! You're going to be repairing it, I'll have you know!" Saito's eyes bugged out.  
  
"What? You idiot! You're waking me up in the middle of the night because I didn't come home when you wanted me... to?" Saito's yelling turned into a small squeak as Kaoru's expression intensified. He gulped.  
  
"Y-Y-YOU CALLED ME AN IDIOT!!! KENSHIN NO BAKA!!!!" Kaoru roared, grabbing Saito by his red hair and pounding his head on the floor. She sat on him and continued to force his head into the tatami mat on the floor.  
  
"Ouch... uh... oro! Oro! Oro! Oro!" Saito said each time Kaoru pushed his head into the floor. Suddenly Yahiko and Sano appeared in the destroyed doorway.  
  
"HOOOO!" Yahiko laughed. "We were wondering what was going on here!" Sano grinned.  
  
"And when you two would get around to it!" Sano giggled insanely. Saito sweatdropped and Kaoru jumped off, blushing.  
  
"Nothing was happening!" Kaoru ranted frantically. "Nothing! Heh heh..." she also sweatdropped. Sano and Yahiko gave each other skeptical looks and then burst into laughter.  
  
"What'll you name your kid? When are you getting married? What---"Sano began, but stopped as Saito's fist met his jaw.  
  
"Say another word and I'll rip your teeth out," Saito muttered. Sano stared at him in disbelief.  
  
"You're scary. You sound a whole lot like Saito," Sano said. Saito scowled.  
  
"Yeah, it's only when I'm... erm... tired. Cranky, really," Saito tried to cover up really quickly. Sano nodded.  
  
"Yup, me too," he said. Just then, Kaoru turned around and faced Saito.  
  
"You... really think I am... an... idiot, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, tears brimming her eyes. Saito stared at her, then slowly shook his head, sweatdropping.  
  
"N-no," Saito lied, fearing for his life. "Never." Kaoru's face broke into a smile.  
  
"Then what do you think of me?" she asked. Saito sweatdropped.  
  
"WHY ME?!" he yelled. Actually, he didn't say that, but he felt like saying it. What he REALLY said was:  
  
"You're a... er... really nice girl, that you are. And... I'm...uh... happy to have met you." Saito flinched, hoping it sounded true enough. Kaoru grinned and grabbed Saito around the neck. Saito toppled over, sweatdropping. He also let out a very oro-ish sound. Kaoru hugged him really tightly.  
  
"You really think so, Kenshin? Really? Wow! Oh Kenshin..." Kaoru blabbed. Saito wanted so much to shut her up, but knew it wasn't the right thing to do.  
  
"Oro," Saito said, trying to say something other than 'Get off me, idiot!' Kaoru giggled.  
  
"YouknowIloveitwhenyousaythat,KenshinandIloveitwhenyoudothelaundry! You'resocute!!!!" Kaoru ranted. Saito didn't understand a word of it, and I'm sorry if you didn't either, but hey! That's Kaoru for you. Eventually they all went back to bed, Kaoru muttering something about Kenshin in a swimsuit. Saito sweatdropped, then picked up the broken shoji door. It would be a while until he went back to bed.  
  
A/N: Almost done! The next chapter should be the last and if not that one, then the one after. Hope you like this chapter!  
  
REVIEW RESPONSES:  
  
S3r3nity: Here's your update! Thanks for reading!  
  
Aikawarazu Ai: You found out now! Don't think it was as funny as you thought, but... I couldn't think of anything else.  
  
Pechan: Sounds like the right spelling. I always only use one 'k' and an 'a' in Hirameki, but your way looks uh... right-er. It's almost time for the final twist! ALMOST! It'll be in the next chapter, which might be the last as well! And Saito didn't Gatotsu Kenshin because then HIS OWN body would've been all Gatotsued up, and I'm sure you don't want that. ^_^  
  
MissBehavin: I feel so terrible for torturing Saito like this, but it's necessary for the story to develop! I'm sorry, Saito-sama! Thanks for reading! 


	7. THE FINAL TWIST!

A/N: Okay, I don't own RK blah blah, but I didn't put this here just for that! I just wanted to warn you that the FINAL TWIST is coming up in this chapter!! DUN DUN DUN!!!  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Later the next day, Kenshin walked into Saito's office to do his... uh... work. He stepped through the Goro Door and saw Saito standing there, looking sleepy.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Kenshin asked. Saito grumbled something like: This is my office...  
  
"Your raccoon, she's annoying me," Saito stated plainly. Kenshin looked at Saito with a puzzled look.  
  
"You must be mistaken," Kenshin said. "I don't have a raccoon." Saito sweatdropped.  
  
"I meant Kaoru," Saito said.  
  
"Oh," Kenshin replied.  
  
"Oh, uhh... Battousai? What does it mean when a girl says * whisper whisper *?" Saito asked, leaning over and muttering unknown words into Kenshin's ear. Kenshin giggled insanely, which looked weird on Saito's body.  
  
"Why? Who said that?" Kenshin asked. Saito stared at Kenshin.  
  
"Kaoru said it to me," he said. Kenshin paled, then ran out of the room. Saito stared after him. After a little while, Kenshin came back, sipping water from a cup. Saito continued to stare at him.  
  
"Whew..." Kenshin said. "Well... I don't really want to tell you. I'll just know for myself." He grinned, then toned it down to a smirk.  
  
"Hey, you're getting good at that, that you are!" Saito said. He swallowed hard. Did he just talk like Kenshin instinctively?! Kenshin stared.  
  
"You're talking like me! And I'm not talking like me!" Kenshin gasped. "We'd better change back soon! I might BECOME you!" Saito nodded in agreement. Saito walked out of the office, hoping for it to be the next day. And nothing else happened that day, so I'm skipping to early the next morning!  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Early the next morning... Saito woke up, expecting to be himself again. He sat up, still in Kenshin's room. He stood up and saw that he was in Kenshin's clothes with Kenshin's hands and Kenshin's hair! Saito frowned. WHAT? He walked outside where the sun was barely up. No one was awake, and he planned to keep it that way. He crept out of the front gate and sprinted to his office. He threw open the Goro Door and found Kenshin sitting at the Goro Desk, unsuccessfully trying to light the Goro Cig with a Goro Match (All found at Goros-R-Us, by the way. ^_^ Then again, Saitos-R-Us has cooler stuff... ^___^) .  
  
"Battousai, why are we still not ourselves?" Saito snapped. Kenshin looked up.  
  
"I don't know," he said. "I hope that we can find out why. I think we should talk to the freaky old lady who gave me the magical cigarettes in the first place." Kenshin stood up and picked up his katana. He held it in his hand and began to walk out.  
  
"Why are you holding your sword like that?" Saito asked. Kenshin looked back sheepishly.  
  
"Uhhh... well... I don't know how to... fasten it to my... er YOUR belt," Kenshin said, pointing to the all-too-cool Saito Belt. Saito groaned and swiftly attached the sheath to the belt.  
  
"Let's go," he said. "Where is this place?" Kenshin thought a moment.  
  
"This way," he said. They walked to the store where they both walked in, Kenshin getting his Goro Hat knocked off by the too low door frame.  
  
"Hello, honey," an old woman rasped, coming out of the door on the side. "I see that the switcheroo worked." Kenshin frowned, picking up the Hat.  
  
"But it's been three days!" he protested. "We should have been back as ourselves by now!" The woman looked them over, then sighed.  
  
"Well, you have a problem," she said. Saito's head snapped up.  
  
"So? WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT, OLD WOMAN?" Saito yelled. The woman glanced at him.  
  
"Yare yare," she said. "You simply told someone your secret. You told someone that you had switched bodies." The woman studied her fingernails, then began to suck on them. Between sucks, she said:  
  
"So, you'll have to drink holy water from the shrine at the top of the hill." Saito glanced at Kenshin.  
  
"How hard could that be?" Kenshin asked. "We'll go and drink it, then be back here and normal before anyone notices!" Saito nodded. The old woman looked their way.  
  
"Well, actually..." she said.  
  
"What now, woman?" Saito asked, getting fed up. She sighed.  
  
"I already sent someone up there to fetch the holy water," the old woman croaked. "And that person wants it for the strength it can give. All he has to do is pour it all over himself and he'll get stronger. BUT... he's very big, and I don't think there'll be any water left if he uses it."  
  
"Then we'd better hurry! When did he leave?" Kenshin asked, turning to leave.  
  
"Just now," the woman growled, turning away. "However, you should be careful. He's a dangerous man." Saito snorted and walked out of the store, determined to get to the hill before the other man. Kenshin stumbled out after him. The sun had just finished rising and was casting a misty glow on the city.  
  
"The hill's this way," Kenshin said, pointing.  
  
"Yeah," Saito said. They both hurried out of the city and to the hill where they could just barely see the shrine on top of it. Before they began their climb, Kenshin gasped:  
  
"LOOK!" there was a person on the hill dressed in bright yellow clothing. "It's... the... Yellow Snowman!!" Saito sweatdropped and stared at Kenshin.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"The Yellow Snowman!" Kenshin repeated, running up the hill after him. "I ran away from him the other day!" Saito sighed and ran up after Kenshin. They arrived at the shrine not too long after the Yellow Snowman, huffing and puffing.  
  
"STOP, SNOWMAN!" Kenshin bellowed, running into the main part of the shrine. The Snowman turned from the basin with holy water in it.  
  
"OH! IT'S YOU!" the Snowman roared back. "Here to fight again?" Kenshin shook his head.  
  
"Step away from the holy water," he commanded. "Or I'll be forced to... uh... hurt you badly!" The Snowman laughed a thick laugh.  
  
"NO! I need this water to get STRONG!" he said loudly. "I'll fight you for it!" The Snowman glanced at Saito. "I'll even take you on with your puny friend!" Saito frowned at that one.  
  
"I'm not puny!" he protested. "I'll rip your guts out!" Kenshin glanced at Saito, but Saito didn't seem to notice. The Yellow Snowman pulled out a sword as did Saito and Kenshin.  
  
"COME ON!" the Snowman yelled. Kenshin was about to perform a Ryu Sou Sen, but then remembered his previous attempt.  
  
"Saito, wait!" Kenshin yelled, but it was too late. Saito had already rushed in with a Gatotsu aiming at the Snowman's head. The sword slipped from his left hand and clattered to the floor, leaving Saito with a punch to the Snowman's fat belly. The Snowman gave a chuckle, then picked Saito up by his magenta collar and tossed him into the wall. He hit it with an "oof!". The Snowman turned to Kenshin.  
  
"Your turn, Skinny!" the Yellow Snowman yelled. Kenshin backed up, thinking of how to proceed. Saito stood up, rubbing his head. He ran over to his fallen Sakabatou and picked it up.  
  
"Your body can't use its left hand!" Saito cried angrily at Kenshin. Kenshin grinned sheepishly.  
  
"Yours can't move very fast," he said. Saito thought a moment.  
  
"Talk me through the Ryu Tsui Sen, Battousai," Saito commanded. Kenshin looked at him with a puzzled expression.  
  
"Okay, you have to jump really high and then hold the sword as far back as you can to get lots of speed on it so that when you bring it down on your opponent's head, it'll have more power," Kenshin said. "Hold it like a baseball bat!" Saito nodded, wondering what exactly baseball was and jumped up high into the air.  
  
"Ummm... HITEN... uh... MITSERUGI STYLE, RYU TSUI SEN!" Saito yelled and crashed down on the Yellow Snowman. He bounced off of the blubbery man and hit the ground hard. He did, however, leave a small bruise on the Snowman's long, pointy nose.  
  
"Ouch!" the Snowman yelped. "That hurt!"  
  
"WHOO HOOOOOO!" a cheer came from the corner. All of the fighters turned to see Hiko leaning casually against the wall, drinking sake.  
  
"Shishou?" Kenshin asked, bewildered. "How'd you get here?"  
  
"I don't know," Hiko drawled. "I just appeared. But he's a better user of the Hiten Mitserugi Style than you, Baka Deshi!" Kenshin sweatdropped and gave Hiko an annoyed look.  
  
"Not true!" he said. Hiko laughed until he was blue, then continued laughing 'till he passed out. Everyone sweatdropped except for Hiko, of course.  
  
"What was that about, Battousai?" Saito asked, standing and rubbing his head. Kenshin shrugged.  
  
"Shishou gets drunk every once and a while," Kenshin said. The Yellow Snowman gasped.  
  
"YOU'RE HITOKIRI BATTOUSAI?" the Yellow Snowman asked. "WOW! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE THAT TALL!" He gasped. Saito glared, then prepared for another Ryu Tsui Sen.  
  
"No," Kenshin said, stopping him. "Let me fight." Saito looked at Kenshin with a skeptical look, but allowed him to proceed.  
  
"COME ON, HITOKIRI!" the Yellow Snowman yelled. Kenshin stepped forward. "I'LL KILL YOU AND YOUR WEAKLING FRIEND TOO!"  
  
"You will not!" Kenshin said. "You will not kill anyone!" The Yellow Snowman laughed.  
  
"Then what'm I gonna do? Oh, I know, I'll take some of this holy water!" he dipped his hand into the water basin and scooped up a handful of water. He splashed it onto his face.  
  
"STOP!" Kenshin yelled. The Snowman took another handful and splashed it onto his gi. Kenshin sheathed his sword and took a Battou-jutsu stance. Saito was about to act, but then something strange happened. Kenshin's (Saito's) four wispy bangs began to sway and turn an odd bright bluish, purplish color. Saito stared in awe as Kenshin's (Saito's) amber eyes glazed over and became a bright, shining yellow-gold. Every color on Kenshin intensified and he crouched down, an angry look taking over his body. Hiko just then sprang up.  
  
"WOW! IT'S BATTOUSAI! WHEN DID HE GET HERE? WHERE DID KENSHIN GO?" Hiko asked. Then, the slurped some sake. Saito sweatdropped, then turned back to the fight. Kenshin started yelling and all of the dust, bits of grass, and stray leaves started swirling around the inside of the shrine. Saito watched, amused.  
  
"OOOOHHHHH! So you're showing me your warrior's spirit! Your KI!" the Yellow Smowman exclaimed. "Well I'll show you mine!" He also began to glow and the room turned icy and yellow. Yellow liquid dripped from the ceiling and the basin of holy water froze over. Saito held his nose, nearly fainting from the smell.  
  
"Uugh," Saito mumbled. "I can see why you're called the... YELLOW Snowman." Hiko laughed, then drank some more sake, which had turned yellow and icy. The Snowman lifted his sword and charged at Kenshin. Kenshin ran forward as well, hardly slipping on the icy floor. He unsheathed his sword with near- to-god-like speed and sliced through the Smowman. He fell to the floor, spewing yellow liquid.  
  
"NO! I'm... MELTING!" the Snowman yelled. He ran out of the shrine and down to the river where he jumped into the cold water and drifted away, swearing to come back someday (Bum bum bum!). Kenshin glanced at Saito as the shrine became normal again.  
  
"You ready?" Kenshin asked. Saito looked back at him.  
  
"For what?"  
  
"Drinking the holy water," Kenshin said. Saito nodded.  
  
"Of course," he said. "I've been in your ugly body for long enough." Kenshin frowned at that, then took a handful of water in his hands. Saito copied.  
  
"Ready? On three," Kenshin said, looking at Saito. "Three!" Saito would've sweatdropped if he had time, but he didn't so he quickly lifted his hands to his lips, watching Kenshin drink the water as well. They drank it quickly, then looked at each other.  
  
"Nothing happened," Saito said. Kenshin stared at his hands, then started to sway.  
  
"I feel sick," Kenshin said. Saito studied him, then realized that he couldn't focus on Kenshin's features.  
  
"I do too... maybe the Smowman spiked the water..." Saito said. He knelt down as did Kenshin. Then there was a bright flash of light. Kenshin saw Saito slump to the floor. It was the last thing he saw before falling into unconsciousness.  
  
A/N: Ha... that was pretty long, huh? Hmmm... well, I'm sorry. There IS one more chapter. It IS the last one, though, I promise! The funniness continues!!!  
  
REVIEW RESPONSES:  
  
S3r3nity: Hai, she is. And thank you.  
  
MissBehavin: No, not final... sigh. Thought that it'd be too long, so I broke it into two chapters. Sigh... And as for where he bit her... I'll let you think about that. Imagination... And I tried to make Saito a really good actor. He is, after all, really good at pretending to be a nice policeman.  
  
Aikawarazu Ai: Nope, didn't kill myself. You really DO hate Kaoru, huh? Oh well. I don't like her, but I don't have anything against her either.  
  
Wounds: I don't know if I beat Kenshin up enough for you. Oh, did you like the final twist? Do you even know what it was? And it's okay if you babble a whole bunch, I don't really mind. As for where he bit her... I'll let you think about it. ^_^ 


	8. The reswitcheroo

Kenshin woke up. He stood from the shrine floor and opened his eyes. His hands instantly flew to his hair. It was red! And his gi! It was pi—er... magenta! He unsheathed his sword and looked at it! It was a sakabatou, and his reflection had violet eyes and a cross shaped scar on his left cheek! Kenshin almost jumped for joy. He then realized that he hadn't seen Saito as himself yet. His head snapped to where Saito was lying, but when he saw him, he sweatdropped, then gulped. Hiko was performing CPR on Saito's body, huffing and puffing. He was gradually turning blue. Kenshin gasped, then started choking like a fish out of water, assuming Hiko had done the same to him.  
  
"Sh-sh-sh-shishou?" Kenshin asked. Hiko didn't appear to notice, but continued to huff and puff into Saito's mouth. Just then, Saito stirred. Hiko breathed his last puff, then fell unconscious on Saito's face.  
  
"Uhh... S-Saito?" Kenshin asked, standing up and wobbling over to the two men. Saito mumbled something into Hiko's mouth, then snapped into reality. He kicked Hiko's limp body off of himself and jumped up, spluttering and gagging. Kenshin stared, then said:  
  
"OOOORRROOOO!!!! ORORORORORORORORORORORORORORORORORO!" He grinned, then started dancing around, singing his new Oro Song. Saito ran out of the shrine, turning a sickly green color, then returning to where Kenshin was performing the last few lines of his Oro Song.  
  
"OOOOOORRRRrrrrrooooo!!!" Kenshin sang, getting softer. Then, he took a bow and mystical applause came from some mysterious place. He continued bowing until Saito scowled at him, then slapped the redhead's cheek. Kenshin let out one last "oro" and was quiet. Saito gave him a look.  
  
"Your master was kissing me," he said. Kenshin oro-ed again, then sweatdropped.  
  
"No, he was... trying to revive you," Kenshin replied. Just then, Hiko woke up.  
  
"Where am I?" he asked. "Well, I don't care! I just saw a beautiful redheaded girl with a beautiful pink kimono and a cross shaped scar on her left cheek! I've gotta go find her!" Hiko didn't even stop to glance around. He ran out of the shrine shrieking: "She was a good kisser and was as beautiful as a girl!!!" Saito and Kenshin both sweatdropped.  
  
"AHHH!" Kenshin yelled. "I just realized that you... cut... my... hair!... wait, I knew that." He glared his death glare at Saito, who smirked and turned to leave.  
  
"Yare yare, don't get all worked up," Saito said. "Hair'll grow back. Besides, we should get back before Tanuki gets worried about you and kills you, Battousai." Kenshin sighed and agreed, walking off after Saito.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Tokio woke up and dressed quickly, walking out of the room and into the road. It was still quite early; it was only 6:30 at the earliest. Tokio rubbed her eyes and yawned, then decided to walk to the police station where she hoped Saito was. She walked down the road, passing by a young woman with a smaller boy and a taller young man. She hurried down the street and was about to make the turn down the street to the police station when she saw two figures in the distance. One was a shorter man with spiky red hair and a MAGENTA gi. The other was a tall policeman with four stray pieces of hair falling about his face. She gasped.  
  
"TOKIO-DONO!" Kenshin yelled from his own body. He and Saito hurried over and greeted her.  
  
"You're normal now, Hajime?" Tokio asked. Saito nodded.  
  
"Yes, I am," he said. Tokio grinned. Just then, there was a yell from behind them.  
  
"KENSHIN!" It was Kaoru's voice. She ran over to them along with Sano and Yahiko.  
  
"Kaoru-dono!" Kenshin smiled.  
  
"I was worried about you, Kenshin! You weren't in the house when I woke up!" Kenshin smiled sheepishly.  
  
"I had some business to take care of...Oh! Kaoru-dono, this is Tokio-dono. She's Saito's wife, that she is," Kenshin said. Saito gave Kaoru a slight glance, then looked away. Tokio nodded at her.  
  
"Hello, Kaoru-dono," Tokio said, bowing. Kaoru did the same, greeting the older woman.  
  
"Well, we should get going," Saito said, turning from the group. "Besides, it's getting a little noisy around here." Tokio wrapped her arm around his, then walked away with him. Kaoru stared after them, sighing. Kenshin stared at her, wanting to hug her, kiss her, even. But he didn't. He started off toward the dojo, which was in the same direction as Saito's house. They walked off after Saito and Tokio. They turned the corner, but Kenshin shoved them all back, stopping abruptly.  
  
"SHH! Look," Kenshin whispered. The Kenshingumi poked their heads around the corner and saw Saito and Tokio locked in a passionate kiss. Sano's eyes bugged out, then he turned away, gagging.  
  
"AHHH!!! I'M BLIND!! HELP! MY EYES!! EEEEWWW!" Sano screeched in abnormally high-pitched tones. Saito and Tokio broke away, and turned to the Kenshingumi.  
  
"Do you have to follow me? I don't like your face," Saito sighed, taking Tokio by the hand and heading for the threesome. Kenshin had an Oro Face on, and Kaoru's hair was sticking straight up. Sano was puking by an alleyway, and Yahiko was unconscious all together.  
  
"No..." Kenshin said. "Uhh... sorry." He turned away, blushing at his own thoughts. Kaoru's hair finally stopped defying gravity and she blushed as well at HER own thoughts. Sano tried to stop puking just long enough to begin thinking very... um... strange thoughts, then began puking again. Yahiko was lying on the pavement, not saying anything. Saito smirked.  
  
"We're back in our own lives now, Battousai," Saito thought. "Don't even think of messing with them again." He turned with Tokio and they retreated down the street. Kenshin just realized that he had left the box of blue cigarettes in Saito's pocket. He gasped, then ran over to Saito and dug his hand into Saito's pocket. He pulled out the box, then jumped away with Hiten Mitserugi Style speed. Saito gave him a look, then shrugged and turned away. Kenshin grinned, then pocketed the blue box. He grinned mischievously, then looked back to Saito.  
  
"I still have the cigarettes, Saito," he thought. "Who knows what I can do...?"  
  
...END?  
  
A/N: It's over! Finally... let me know what you think overall! ^___^  
  
S3r3nity: Thanks. Don't know if this one was the best, but... It's done now.  
  
MissBehavin: Yeah, having Hiko insult Kenshin is always fun because Kenshin can't do anything! It's finished... I feel kind of sad...  
  
Aikawarazu Ai: Yup. Exactly! You really really hate Kaoru, don't you? ((O_O)) Okay... I don't really know what's so bad about her but... okay... 


End file.
